Perfect Insanity
by WatchTheSkyBleed
Summary: AU - Ichigo, a mentally ill young man who works part time in his local coffee shop, must choose between listening to the irritating Devil on his shoulder, or take the medication that keeps his feet firmly planted in reality. Make the wrong choice, and it could end very badly for all involved. Contains Yaoi, cursing, and descriptive scenes of gore.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a brief heads up -**

 **This story will continue yaoi, so if you're not comfortable with that, it's not for you.**

 **And I don't own Bleach D:**

* * *

Popping the plastic lid onto the coffee cup, Ichigo offers the petite woman in front of him a pleasant smile.

"One semi skimmed latte, no sugar."

The woman takes the cup, returning the smile and going on her way.

Ichigo wipes his hands off on his apron, his nerves beginning to get the better of him.

That's why he almost jumps out of his skin when a large hand grips his shoulder.

"Hey Ichigo, how's it going?"

Ichigo relaxes at the familiar voice of his red haired co-worker, Renji, before grabbing a cloth and spray to wipe down the counter.

"It's going good, thanks Renji."

Renji grins, leaning against the counter next to Ichigo.

"Say, who was that dark haired guy in the suit you were chatting to yesterday?"

Ichigo isn't sure why Renji is so interested about that, but he decides to just come out with it.

"He's my court appointed psychiatrist."

"Oh, cool."

Renji taps his fingers on the counter top, opening his mouth as if to say something else, but stops when the chime to the door sounds, announcing a new customer.

Ichigo doesn't even look up from his now slightly obsessive cleaning, that is until he gets elbowed sharply in the side.

"Ouch, what the hell?"

Ichigo's attention immediately goes to the tall, muscular blue haired stranger now stood in front of the counter, dressed in a tightly fitting police uniform, and flashing Ichigo the smuggest grin he's ever seen.

Renji sidles away from the counter, leaving a sweating Ichigo to fend for himself.

Oh, he'll definitely be getting him back for that.

Ichigo sets the cloth down, avoiding direct eye contact with the blue haired beast before him.

"What can I get you?"

"Are you on the menu?"

Ichigo glares, not believing the sheer bluntness of the man.

"No."

"Shame, then I suppose I'll have a coffee to go, black."

Ichigo quickly gets to work, wanting this guy out of the shop as quick as possible.

"So, Ichigo, how long you been workin here? I come in here a lot and I haven't seen you before. I'd sure as hell remember you."

A fierce blush now threatening to form on his cheeks, Ichigo doesn't take his eyes away from the coffee machine.

"I only started three days ago."

"Seems like I'll have to come here much more often then."

Ichigo sighs, finishing the coffee and popping a plastic lid on before placing it on the counter in front of the other man.

"Don't get your hopes up, I don't swing that way."

Placing a bill down on the counter, the man happily takes the cup.

"We'll see about that, Ichigo. Names Grimmjow, so don't go forgettin it."

Ichigo scowls as he watches the still smirking man exit the coffee shop.

 _We'll see about that?_

Ichigo's surprised the guy fit through the door with that huge of an ego.

Renji miraculously reappears from around the doorway to the storage room, a sheepish look on his face.

"You friends with cops too?"

"No, I don't know that guy."

Not buying it one bit, Renji quirks an eyebrow at him.

"Really? Cause he seemed real friendly with you..."

The death glare Ichigo shoots the red head makes Renji quickly throw his hands up in surrender.

"Okay okay, none of my business."

* * *

"So tell me Ichigo, how's your week been so far?"

Ugh.

Ichigo always loathes this time of the week, the time when he has to jump into his role of oscar winning actor and smile and pretend everything is all fine and dandy.

Mustering up a cheery smile, Ichigo leans back in the familiar plush chair.

"It's been good, Dr Kuchiki."

The raven haired man, dressed in a crisp white suit and sat behind the polished wooden desk frowns, taking off his thin white glasses and placing them down on the desk.

"I have already told you Ichigo, please call me Byakuya."

"Sorry," Ichigo mumbles.

Byakuya gives him a thin smile, before resting his hands on the desk.

"And what about Shiro?"

Ichigo can't help but tense at that name.

Stealing a coy glance over his shoulder, he grits his teeth.

"Has he been troubling you more since the last time we met?"

Ichigo shakes his head, his hands clenching in his lap.

 _"Aww, come on King, ya know ya shouldn't be telling lies now, don't ya?"_

Ichigo tries to ignore the manic voice from behind him, choosing to stare at the hands sitting in his lap.

That is, until he feels icy breath ghost against the shell of his ear.

 _"Ya better start talking King, otherwise he's gonna suss ya right out."_

Ichigo takes a deep breath, before plastering the fake rehearsed smile back on his face.

"No, in fact, I've been hearing him less and less lately."

Byakuya seems genuinely surprised by his answer.

"Oh? And why do you think that is?"

Ichigo shrugs, vaguely paying attention to the snowy skinned version of himself now standing behind Byakuya.

And as usual, Byakuya is completely unperturbed by him, which only aggravates Ichigo further.

How can Shiro seem so damn real to him, but no one else?

It gives him a headache just thinking about it.

Shiro grins devilishly, leaning down close to Byakuya and blowing a raspberry next to his ear.

Ichigo does his best to act like nothing's going on, tuning back in to what Byakuya is saying to him.

"The new medication, possibly?"

That could be a reason, if he were even bothering to take the stuff.

Ichigo just nods, now choosing to shove his clammy hands into his jeans pockets.

"Maybe, I don't know."

Byakuya hums in thought.

"And you are still taking it I presume?

"Usually."

"Ichigo, you have to take it daily without fail, do you understand?"

Sighing, Ichigo begins to chew on his bottom lip.

"Yeah, I will."

A long pause follows, where Byakuya seems to be studying him, searching for any tell tale sign that Ichigo is lying, before he moves on.

"I see, and how is work treating you?"

Ah yes, _work_.

Ichigo was surprised that they'd even accepted him to work at the coffee shop, what with his mental history and all.

"Work's fine, everyone there is nice."

Not that he's going the mention the experience with the weird blue haired cop named Grimmjow, finding the whole thing completely embarrassing.

"So would it be safe to say you are making friends?"

Ichigo shrugs, his attention once again being grabbed by his albino counterpart now sitting cross legged on the desk, just to the side of Byakuya.

 _"Yeah right, like King could ever make any friends. One look at him and ya can tell he's off with the fucking fairies."_

Ichigo clenches his fists in his jeans, but manages to keep his tongue from lashing out.

"I suppose, maybe in the future."

Byakuya smiles, before glancing down at his silver wrist watch.

"Well, we have over half an hour left, so is there anything in particular you wish to talk about today?"

Ichigo inwardly sighs.

This was going to be one long hour.

* * *

Flinging open the door to his apartment, Ichigo tosses his shoulder back to the floor, before throwing himself down face first onto his musty couch.

He was hoping to get some sleep in, but of course the bastard has other idea.

He squirms as he feels someone climb onto his back, breath next to his ear.

 _"Ichi, why are ya suddenly ignorin lil old me? Ya weren't ignorin me this mornin."_

Ichigo snarls, sitting up and watching as Shiro lands with a bump next to him on the couch.

"Because I'm not in the mood to listen to your sick little schemes, Shiro."

 _"Aww, don't be like that. Don't ya wanna talk about what happened at work earlier, hmm?"_

Ichigo hangs his head, his vibrant orange hair falling over his eyes.

"No, how do you even know about that?"

Shiro cackles.

 _"I have my ways, Ichi. So come on, ya think he's hot, don't ya?"_

Ichigo's cheeks start to burn, and he turns away completely from the annoyance on the couch next to him.

"NO! I'm not gay!"

 _"Liar liar, pants on fire. But it's not like ya got a shot in there anyway."_

Ichigo chooses not to rise to the taunt, but Shiro continues anyway.

 _"He probably just feels sorry for ya, I mean, who wouldn't? Ya look a mess King."_

Ichigo fists his hands into his hair, before jumping off the couch.

"I don't have to listen this crap."

As Ichigo strides over to the fridge and flings it open, Shiro follows him, leaning on the counter a few feet away and watching him intently.

 _"See, that's where ya are wrong. Unless you take those pills the good ol doctor gave ya, I ain't goin nowhere. But we both know ya ain't gonna."_

Ichigo downs some orange juice straight from the carton, before wiping his mouth and closing the fridge.

 _"Ain't ya gonna ask me why then?"_

"Whats the point, you're gonna fuckin tell me anyway."

Shiro grins manically, scrapping his black nails across the wooden counter top.

 _"Cause I'm all ya have got, aren't I. Ya get rid of me, and ya are gonna enter a bleak and lonely world."_

Ichigo rolls his eyes, before striding off to his bathroom to take a nice hot shower.

 _"Oh oh, wait for me Ichi!"_

* * *

 **I got inspired to write this after watching the movie 'voices' starring Ryan Reynolds, and it's a great movie I'd recommend giving it a watch.**

 **So I know this is short for a first chapter, but the next chapters should be longer.**

 **I wanted to try and ease myself into writing bleach yaoi, so why not start with this xD ?**

 **Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!**


	2. Chapter 2

After managing to get a few hours sleep despite Shiro's constant crazed mumblings, Ichigo get's himself ready for his afternoon shift at the coffee shop.

Before he leaves his apartment he stares over at the packet of unopened pills on his kitchen counter.

He'll definitely start taking them again later.

Definitely.

* * *

As he enters the shop, he notices it seems to be busier today, and his palms instantly start to clam up.

It's fine, he can do this. That's what he has to tell himself.

It's just anxiety, and if he can ride it out, it will pass.

Eventually.

Swallowing, he quickly makes his way behind the counter and into the staff room, shrugging off his jacket and retrieving his apron, storing them in his appointed locker before returning back to the front.

Renji is already taking orders behind the counter, but pauses to give him a friendly smile.

Ichigo returns it sheepishly.

"Where do you need me today?"

Handing someone their change, Renji points out towards the cluttered tables.

"Could use someone helping Orihime clean the tables, she's too clumsy for her own good."

Ichigo nods, moving out from behind the counter and quickly getting to work gathering empty cups and napkins.

He watches the girl, Orihime, who is just a few tables from him, attempting to balance an enormous pile of cups and saucers and cutlery in her arms.

Ichigo see's her wobbling before she even realizes it, and his fast reflexes make him get over there and catch the falling items before they hit the ground.

Orihime gasps, a wide blush on her cheeks when she catches sight of Ichigo, who is now holding the items firmly in his own arms.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, um..."

Ichigo flashes her a gentle smile.

"It's Ichigo, you're Orihime, right?"

Orihime nods eagerly, a wide smile overtaking her features.

"Yes, that's me! Thank you so much for helping me!"

"It's no problem, really," Ichigo tells her.

Glancing around, Ichigo can see the mess starting to gather again on the tables.

"Well, we better get back to work. Let me know if you need help though next time, okay?"

"Thank you, but I will be alright."

Ichigo watches her scuttle off, before getting back to his own tables.

* * *

After the rush house shift, things seem to calm down, and as it starts to darken outside, the coffee shop gets ready to close up.

Orihime left soon after the rush shift, leaving Ichigo and Renji to run the shop.

Wiping down the last of the tables, Ichigo is more than glad to have the day's work over with.

Renji clears his throat loudly, making Ichigo turn around to look at him curiously.

"So, Ichigo, I was wondering...there's gonna be me and some of my friends going to this bar called Sereti later tonight, you wanna come?"

A bar?

He didn't really tend to get out much, what with the underlying threat that _he_ was going to pop up out of nowhere and fucking ruin it for him.

But Byakuya did say it would be good for him to get out more, socialize more with people, and maybe that would help lessen the appearances.

Well, here goes nothing.

"Sure, I mean, but I don't know where it is or anything-"

"No worries, my friend Izuru is being the designated driver cause he doesn't drink, we can come pick you up."

Grinning, Ichigo nods.

"Alright then, what time?"

Ichigo and Renji exchange numbers and Ichigo gives him the address of his apartment block, before taking off his apron and heading back home on the bus to get ready for what was sure to be one hell of a night.

He's just not sure if it'll be in the good or bad sense yet.

* * *

After getting down something quick and light from the fridge, Ichigo jumps into the shower.

And just as he finishes, reaching around and grabbing a towel, his oh so quiet evening goes south.

Shiro, grinning like a Cheshire cat and sitting on the closed toilet seat, watches him as he wraps the clean crisp towel around his waist.

 _"Well well, what are you gettin all primped up for King? Ya plannin on gettin laid tonight?"_

Ichigo huffs, before stalking off into the bedroom, routing around in his wardrobe for something to wear.

Shiro follows him giddily, jumping down onto the edge of the bed and swinging one of his legs over the other.

 _"Bein so secretive on me, makes me think ya might be goin to meet that delicious cop..."_

Ichigo pauses at the mention of _that guy_ again.

"No, I'm not, okay, I'm just going out for a few drinks with a friend from work, so shut up."

 _"Aww, no need to be so testy. Who's this friend, eh? God Ichi, never knew ya were such a tease, keeping two guys on the ropes."_

"Shiro, I swear to God, shut up before I make you."

Shiro cackles, skimming his rough black nails across his bottom lip.

 _"Ooh, what are ya gonna do to me King? Love it when ya get all commanding."_

Ichigo picks out a loose black button up shirt and some dark skinny jeans, opting to go with some black converse for footwear. The bar won't be that fancy, right?

Feeling Shiro's gaze boring into his back, he hesitates to remove the towel secured around his waist.

"Shiro, can you please get lost?"

 _"And miss ya droppin that towel? I don't think so."_

Sighing to himself, Ichigo decides to just get this over with as quickly as possible.

Dropping the towel, he gets dressed as quickly as he can, before turning to face the delighted creature still on the bed.

 _"Damn Ichi, ya sure know how to put on a show."_

Ichigo rolls his eyes, before picking up his phone from the wooden cabinet beside him and checking the time.

Renji and his friends were going to be here to pick him up in about half an hour.

Glancing over at Shiro, he shoves his phone into his jeans pocket.

"Can you just give me tonight?"

 _"Depends. Ya be a good boy and do somethin I like, I jus might let up on ya."_

"You know I can't do that."

 _"But why? Come on, just once, pretty please?"_

"I'm not a bad person, you know I couldn't hurt anyone like that..."

 _"Still in denial, eh? Ya will come around to my way of thinkin soon enough Ichi."_

"The hell I will."

Ichigo storms out into the living room, throwing himself onto the couch and turning on the tv, hoping to pass the time more quickly until he can get out of this god damn apartment.

His phone buzzing in his pocket snaps him out of his daze, and he quickly answers it.

"Hey Ichigo, we're outside and ready to go!"

"Okay Renji, I'll be right out."

Grabbing his keys and coat, Ichigo barely glances back at Shiro, who is studying him curiously from the couch. Glaring, Ichigo points a warning finger at him.

" _ **Stay.**_ "

Shiro smirks, putting his pale arms behind his head.

 _"Can't promise ya nothin King."_

* * *

Stepping out into the chilly night air, Ichigo spots the car just a few yards ahead, the back seat door swinging open as he nears, Renji grinning up at him.

"Looking good, get in!"

Ichigo almost blushes at the compliment, before climbing in and shutting the door.

Seeing that there are two people in the back seat, one in the passenger and one driving, the car was still pretty roomy.

It smelt strongly of tobacco and mint, the leather seat warm underneath him.

Renji elbows him playfully as the car pulls back out into the road.

"Ichigo, these losers right here are my friends."

"Hey, watch it Abarai before I come back there!"

Ichigo takes in the young man in the passenger seat, who's now leaning back to glare at Renji, a lit cigarette tucked into the corner of his mouth.

His vivid purple hair sticks up just like Ichigo's, and a 69 tattoo is on his right cheek.

Weird place to have a tattoo like that, Ichigo thinks.

Taking a long drag of the cigarette, he blows the smoke at Renji.

"Fuck off Shuhei, before I ram that Cigarette down your throat!"

Smirking, Shuhei turns back to face the front.

Coughing, Renji gestures at the purple haired guy.

"Ichigo, that jackass is Shuhei, and the guy driving is Izuru."

The long haired blonde behind the wheel holds his hand up and waves in acknowledgement.

"Hey there."

"And this quiet guy next to me is Ikkaku."

The bald headed guy leans over, giving Ichigo a curt nod.

"Yo, nice name."

"Thanks, you too."

Renji leans back into the leather seat, and leans his arm behind Ichigo, which doesn't go unnoticed by him.

Ichigo's throat suddenly feels pretty dry.

"So, um, what's this bar like?"

Renji grins.

"It's awesome, we go there a lot. Atmosphere's cool and it plays some great music, oh, and cheap alcohol, don't forget that."

Hmm, sounds like this could turn out to be a pretty fun night after all.

* * *

Renji was right, this place does seem good.

It's got a relaxed atmosphere, rock music playing in the background, various groups of people chatting away and drinking.

Ichigo joins Renji and his friends in a booth, Renji bringing them back some shots.

He passes one to Ichigo, who seems very wary of it.

"What's wrong?"

"I just, I don't really drink much..."

Seeing that Shuhei and Ikkaku have already downed there and are on their second, Ichigo begins to feel nervous.

He does want to fit in, but then again he doesn't want to make a complete ass of himself by getting shit faced.

"Just try one, and if you don't want any more, that's cool, I'll order you something else, okay?"

Ichigo nods, before placing the glass against his lips, and knocking the clear liquid back.

It instantly burns the back of his throat on the way down, and he chokes, covering his mouth.

Renji chuckles, rubbing his back comfortingly.

"Don't worry, you get used to it soon enough."

He doesn't particularly want to get used to it, his throat feels like someone has lit it on fire.

Licking his lips, he watches Renji knock back another shot, before offering him another.

Ichigo hesitates at first, but then shrugs, and knocks it back.

It burns again, but now he's starting to feel the familiar light headed feeling he used to indulge in oh so much.

Wiping his lips on his sleeve, he can already feel his face heating up.

Shuhei lights another cigarette, offering one to Ichigo, who politely refuses.

"So, Ichigo, right?"

Ichigo nods.

"You gay?"

Ichigo's eyes widen at the blunt question.

"Umm...I..."

"Shuhei knock it off, I told you last time, sleeping with my co-workers is out of the damn question."

"Why, you got your eye on him Abarai?"

Wait, is Renji gay?

Ichigo blushes furiously, averting his gaze over to the bar.

And he really wished he hadn't.

Wearing a black leather jacket and snug fitting dark blue jeans, showing off that glorious ass...

Ugh, stop right there, he's not even gay!

Right?

Ichigo swallows thickly as the blue haired cop turns from the bar, a beer now in his hand, and before Ichigo can look away, their eyes lock.

A feral grin takes over Grimmjow's lips, and he begins to head over, causing Ichigo to hide his face in his hands.

"Ichigo, isn't that the cop from the other day?"

Ichigo groans into his hands, when he feels a finger tap him on the shoulder.

"Fancy seein you here, Strawberry."

Did this guy just refer to him as strawberry?

What the hell!

Ichigo moves his hands, shooting Grimmjow a glare.

"Strawberry?"

Grimmjow chuckles lightly.

"What? It suits you."

Ichigo rolls his eyes.

Grimmjow glances over at Renji.

"Mind if I borrow your friend for a while?"

"Wait what-"

Without even waiting for an answer, Ichigo is yanked up by his arm and basically dragged away from the small group.

Renji makes to go after him, but Shuhei says something to him and Renji sighs, sitting back down.

Seems like no one is going to be saving him.

Great, just great.

Grimmjow leads Ichigo over to a more quiet area of the bar, into a smaller booth.

Ichigo can already feel his palms beginning to sweat. Not because he likes the guy alright? It's just because he's totally out of his comfort zone.

Grimmjow slouch's back in the booth, his mischievous blue eyes roving over a nervous Ichigo.

Ichigo notes it's a lot like the look a predator flashes it's prey, but he tries to shove that thought right out of his mind.

It's seriously not helping right now.

"That red haired guy your boyfriend?"

Ichigo instantly feels his cheeks redden at the assumption.

"No, I already told you I don't swing that way."

"So you did. But answer me this, you ever tried it?"

Ichigo wants nothing more to get of this embarrassing subject, so apart from diving out of the nearest window, he figures he might as well just answer his damn questions as quickly as possible.

"No, and I am not going too. Can we drop this now?"

Grimmjow beams, his tongue coming out to swipe across his dry lips.

Ichigo watches the probably well thought out movement, swallowing thickly before tearing his brown eyes back down to the table.

"You're blushing like a schoolgirl, _Ichigo_."

Ugh, why does this bastard have to keep tormenting him like this?

He's made it all too clear that he isn't gay, and that he's never done anything with another guy, so you would think that would get the message across.

"I am not!"

"You ever dreamt about it?"

Ichigo shoots Grimmjow the dirtiest glare he can muster.

"I thought I said drop it."

"Don't remember saying I would. Answer the question."

Ichigo folds his arm's across his chest.

"Hasn't everyone? Dreams are just dreams."

At Ichigo's honest response, Grimmjow's feral grin only gets that much wider.

He should've lied, why didn't he just lie?

"You know, I'm not really much of a chaser, Ichigo. But there's something about you, I just can't put my finger on it. But believe me, I always get what I want."

Here we go again with that big ass ego of his!

It makes Ichigo want to punch him right in his smug face, but he also knows that another burst of rage is only going to send him right back where the last one did.

His skin crawls at the very thought of being in that place again.

So, as calmly as he can, Ichigo rises to his feet and points a warning finger down at the still completely relaxed Grimmjow.

"Listen, you can chase me till you're blue in the face to match your fucking hair, but it isn't going to make a difference. You can't always have what you want, and you are not getting your hands on me, _Grimmjow_."

Just as Ichigo turns around, he feels a strong arm coil around his waist.

He opens his mouth to hurl some colourful insults, but his words are swallowed by a pair of warm lips moulding onto his own.

His eyes widen in surprise, all he can see in his vision is a sea of blue.

As he's tugged against a warm, neatly sculpted body, the lips attached to his own start to move, trying to encourage him to reciprocate the forced kiss.

The first coherent thought that pops into Ichigo's mind is that Grimmjow tastes of beer and some kind of underlying mint.

Ichigo just doesn't know how to react, he wasn't expecting this at all.

Being pounced on by some egotistical blue haired beast wasn't part of his plan!

After a few more tense moments, Ichigo manages to reel his mind back into working order and tears himself away from Grimmjow, who surprisingly lets him go easily enough.

Ichigo, now panting, wipes the back of his mouth with his hand, before giving the cop one last death glare and stomping back over to where Renji and the others are still sat drinking and chatting amongst themselves.

Renji is the first to look up and notice Ichigo, and his face turns to anger when he gets one good look at him.

Renji stands up and places his hands firmly on Ichigo's shoulders.

"Hey, you okay? He didn't do anything did he?"

Ichigo sighs heavily, before shaking his head.

"I'm fine. Listen, I'm gonna head home, not feeling to great."

Renji looks him over, worry evident on his face, before holding out his hand at the quiet Izuru.

"Give me the key's, I'm gonna run Ichigo back home."

The pale blonde shakes his head vigorously.

"Oh no, you are not driving my car after you've been drinking Renji Abarai."

"I've only had two damn shots! Now give me the keys!"

Shuhei, still smoking with one hand and downing another shot in the other, elbows Izuru in the side.

"Just give him the keys Izuru, unless you want him to have another hissy fit."

Renji growls at the smirking shuhei as Izuru reluctantly hands over the keys, and Ichigo is steered out of the bar and back to the parking lot.

* * *

The night air is rather refreshing to his flustered features, and he breathes it in deeply, trying to calm himself.

That is, until he's in the car and what just happened comes knocking once again.

Blue haired bastard, how dare he just force himself on him like that!

He should've hit him, screw the damn courts.

Maybe that would've got the message through his thick skull.

And what infuriates Ichigo even more is that he basically just let the guy do it for a while, didn't even protest or fight back.

He couldn't even muster a real answer as to why either.

As they get in the car and pull out into the quiet road, Renji glances over at him.

"What did he do?"

Ichigo leans into the seat, his head resting on the cold car window.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Bullshit, I knew I should've stopped you from going over there. That guys gives off a seriously creepy vibe, cop or not."

Ichigo notices Renji's hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles are turning white.

Why is Renji just as pissed, if not more, then he is?

It's not like they'd known each other that long, or even that well.

Yet he seems so riled up and-

Wait, does Renji _like_ him?

"Uh, Renji?"

Renji's angry eyes soften at Ichigo's quiet voice.

"Yeah?"

"I could've just got a taxi back home, you know. Not that I'm not grateful, but I didn't want to interrupt your night."

Renji chuckles.

"You didn't, don't worry about it. I just want to make sure you get home safely."

In other words, that Grimmjow doesn't follow him.

"Well, thanks."

For the rest of the short journey they drive in silence, the only sounds their breathing and the purr of the engine.

As they pull up outside of Ichigo's apartment, Ichigo turns to Renji as he opens the passenger side door.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it."

"No problem, you want me to see you inside or?"

Ichigo's mind whirrs at the thought, and Renji must see the panic on his face, because he holds up his hands in surrender.

"Not like that or anything, I just meant-"

Ichigo relaxes, and offers Renji a warm smile.

"I know, it's fine, I guess I'm still just a little shaken up. I'll see you at work, okay?"

Renji returns the smile.

"Yeah, sounds good. You have a good night's rest Ichigo."

Ichigo gets out and watches Renji drive off, before getting inside and letting himself into his own apartment.

And soon as the door is closed, he leans back against it, combing a shaky hand through his ruffled hair.

A quick cold shower and bed, that's what he needs.

To get all of tonight's weird events off his mind.

 _"Yo king, you seem a little tense."_

He should've known it wouldn't be that easy.

Shrugging off his coat, Ichigo stalks into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

As he starts to lift off his shirt, Shiro watches him from the closed toilet seat.

 _"Why'd you run away like a frightened deer? See, you've lost yourself some fun again King. Ya gotta learn to be bolder, more flexible, if ya know what I mean."_

Ichigo takes off the rest of his clothes, leaving him standing in his boxers.

Just as he turns the shower on, a pale finger tapping on his shoulder stops him from stepping in.

 _"What's that in yer back pocket?"_

Ichigo frowns, scooping up his jeans and pulling out the small white card that's wedged inside his back pocket.

Grimmjow's name is at the top, with a mobile number underneath to contact about any inquiries.

Wait, how the hell did this get in his back pocket?

He didn't even notice hands anywhere near his-

With a frustrated growl, he slams the card down onto the edge of the sink.

Shiro hums, his glowing eyes sparkling.

 _"Maybe ya didn't mess up so bad after all, King. Aren't ya gonna rip it up?"_

Ichigo glances back at the card, before shrugging and getting into the shower.

He'd rip it up all right.

Later.

* * *

 **So, sorry it took a while to get the second chapter up, I guess I was fretting for a while about the way I've been writing this. But oh well, here it is!**

 **I should have posted the following information in the first chapter but I forgot, silly me!**

 **This story will feature around GrimmIchi and some RenIchi, and there will be hints of ShiroIchi too but nothing really physical.**

 **I hope you enjoyed the new chapter and reviews are much appreciated :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Quick heads up about this chapter,**

 **there is a trigger at the very beginning of this chapter involving suicide.**

* * *

 _Pushing open the wooden bathroom door, Ichigo clutches onto the bedraggled white teddy bear in his arms, his tiny fingers trembling at the crimson mess spread out in front of him._

 _Whimpering, he patters over to the bathtub, nudging at the pale arm hanging over the bathtub._

 _"M-mum?"_

 _"I-Ichigo...shushh, it's okay baby."_

 _"But...you're bleeding...I-I'm scared..."_

 _Pale chilly fingers reach out and slide across his warm hand._

 _"No need to be frightened, as long as you have your angel to watch over you, you'll be fine."_

 _"Mum..."_

 _"Ichi..."_

 _The fingers slip from his hand, hanging limply over the tub._

 _"Mum! Mummy!"_

 _"MUM!"_

* * *

"AHHHH!"

Sweat dripping down his forehead and clinging to his loose white night shirt, Ichigo sits up in his now too warm bed, his chest heaving.

His anxious eyes dart around the darkened room, looking for someone who he's never going to lay eyes on again.

Looks like the nightmares are back to plague his dreams once again.

 _"Take it easy there King."_

Ichigo feels the familiar icy chill of Shiro hit his back, and a pale hand weaves through his damp hair.

"S-Shiro?"

 _"Yeah, it's lil old me. Ya havin nightmares again?"_

Ichigo nods, the coldness of Shiro seeming oddly welcoming to him right now.

The cold hand weaving through his hair continues it's comforting movements, while the other snakes around his chest and presses him back against Shiro's chest.

 _"No need to worry, yer angel's right here."_

Ichigo huffs, his rapid heartbeat drumming in his ears.

"You're not an angel, Shiro."

Icy breath hits his warm ear as Shiro cackles.

 _"Hmm, Devil then?"_

Ichigo glances back over his shoulder, bloodshot brown eyes meeting with maniac black ones.

"Why me?"

Shiro purrs lightly, nudging his nose against Ichigo's cheek.

 _"Cause yer special, Ichi. Ya should learn to embrace it, not fight it. Yer would be so much happier."_

"Mum never hurt anyone."

 _"And look what happened to her, Ichi. Ya don't wanna meet the same fate, do ya?"_

Shifting in Shiro's hold, Ichigo stares down at the bed covers.

"I don't know..."

Shiro leans his chin on Ichigo's shoulder, both of his pale hands locking around Ichigo's middle.

 _"It's not like yer would be doin it on yer own, I'd be with ya."_

"But it's wrong..."

 _"Ya only think that cause ya keep listening to the idiots surrounding ya Ichi. Why don't ya use yer own mind and decide whether or not it's wrong for yerself?"_

"I...I guess I'll think about it."

Shiro smirks, before pushing Ichigo back down onto the bed and curling up at his side.

 _"Knew yer would come around King."_

* * *

Walking into the coffee shop bright and early the next morning, Ichigo knows he must look like a walking dead reject.

After that nightmare, he tossed and turned for the rest of the night.

Orihime is already behind the counter when he arrives, and she flashes him a bubbly smile and waves eagerly.

"Hey Ichigo! You don't look so good, are you okay?"

Nope, he isn't going to get away with it.

Ichigo does his best to return the warm smile.

"I'm fine, I just had a rough night. Where's Renji?"

"He's out back getting in some supplies."

Ichigo nods and quickly makes his way to the break room, putting on his apron and name tag before coming back out to the front.

"Right, anything that needs doing?"

Orihime blushes.

"Oh well, no no it's fine, I've got everything under control!"

As if on queue, one of the coffee machine's starts to shake and beep loudly.

"Oh, oh!"

Ichigo rushes over and attends to it, trying to push back the inappropriate laugh that is dying to burst out his mouth.

Well, no one can fault Orihime for lack of trying at least.

* * *

After the narrowly avoided disaster with the coffee machine, Ichigo makes himself useful by helping Renji bring the supplies in and put them in order in the back.

As the shop isn't so busy, Orihime is left out front, which Ichigo can't help but wonder if that is such a good idea.

"Um, Renji?"

Renji looks up from unpacking a stack of plastic cups.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it's a good idea to leave Orihime out there on her own?"

"She'll be fine, she's done it before. I know she seems like a total clutz, but it's not usually busy until lunch time so she'll have no problem."

Ichigo shrugs, deciding not to question Renji's decision any further and starts to unpack a box of coffee compliments.

"If you say so."

"Listen, I don't mean to pry, but you look tired Ichigo. I'm guessing you didn't sleep so good?"

Well, he was expecting Renji to notice as well.

"Just a rough night, I'll catch up tonight."

Renji huffs, fiddling with some plastic lids.

"Don't let morons like him get to you so much, people like that have no damn tact."

No tact?

Ichigo stops what he's doing, staring over at Renji.

Renji must notice, because he puts the lids down and stares back uncertainly.

"Renji...are you gay?"

Renji glances away, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'm Bi, but I prefer guys. You're straight, right?"

"I think so."

Wait, did he just say he thinks so?

Damn it, wait a go brain!

Renji looks back at him surprised, and opens his mouth to say something, when Orihime rushes into the storeroom looking flustered.

"Sorry, but there's a police officer out front and he wanted to see a manager...something about some local break ins..."

Ichigo's heart jumps up into his throat.

It couldn't be...

not even he'd have the nerve to show up here after last night...

right?

Renji rolls his eyes, brushing down his apron.

"Okay, I'll go and talk to him. Can you finish up here, Ichigo?"

"Yeah, no problem."

As Renji and Orihime both head out to the front of the shop, Ichigo can already feel his heart thumping faster in his chest.

There are plenty of cops in town...it doesn't necessarily mean it's-

After a loud crashing comes from the front, Ichigo's brain shifts into fight mode, and he rushes out to the front.

The scene he's confronted with is pretty...unexpected.

Orihime is off to one side, obviously scared, while Renji is planted face down on the counter top, the familiar blue haired bastard leaning over him and cuffing his hands behind his back.

Growling, Ichigo stomps over to Grimmjow.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Grimmjow, having now noticed Ichigo's presence, grins down at him and finishes locking the cuffs onto a furious Renji.

"Hey there strawberry, was worried I wouldn't be seeing your gorgeous face again."

"Stop calling me that! What are you doing to Renji?"

"Your friend here assaulted a police officer, so now I'm dragging his stupid ass back to the station."

As Grimmjow tugs Renji back to his feet, Ichigo is down right dumbfounded.

"Renji, why'd you hit a cop?"

Renji averts his eyes and stares at the floor.

"I just did, he had it coming!"

Grimmjow arches a blue eyebrow.

"Well, now you've got a charge coming, hope you're fuckin happy with yourself."

"Asshole," Renji mutters.

"Renji, SHUT UP!"

At Ichigo's unexpected outburst, Renji stares at him in surprise, and so does Grimmjow.

"Look, let Renji out of those damn cuffs right now, or I'm gonna be more than willing to ring up your station and tell your boss you tried to force yourself on me last night. I'm pretty sure they won't be too pleased about one of their officers acting like that, will they?"

God, Ichigo may seem calm on the outside, but inside he's a quivering wreck.

How the hell these confident words are flying out of his mouth so easily is beyond him.

Adrenaline, maybe?

Grimmjow blinks back at him dumbly for a few moments, before a feral grin takes over his lips.

"Huh, guess you got me there then, _Ichigo_."

Wait...it _worked_?

Grimmjow un-cuffs the bewildered Renji, who quickly takes his place by Ichigo's side.

Grimmjow chuckles, attaching the cuffs back to his belt.

"Lucky strawberry's here to pull your ass out of trouble red, but next time you try somethin like that, you're gonna wish I'd dragged your dumb ass to the station."

Ichigo grits his teeth, as Grimmjow leans back against the counter.

"Kurosaki, I wanna have a word with you, in private."

Renji immediately opens his mouth to object, but Ichigo gives him a 'don't be so stupid' look, before nodding at Grimmjow.

"Fine by me, we can talk in the break room."

Well aware of Renji's and Orihime's eyes boring into his back, Ichigo leads the way to the break room, the blue haired cop hot on his heels.

* * *

After they're both inside, Ichigo shuts the door, only to find himself roughly pushed up against it.

Locked between Grimmjow's warm body and the wooden door, Ichigo isn't sure what he should do here.

Sure, he _could_ hit him, but he's had time to calm down and think since last night.

Violence has to be his last resort.

But he'll be damned if Grimmjow think's he can just walk all over him.

Bringing his hands up, he pushes them against Grimmjow's clothed chest firmly, attempting to create some much needed distance between them.

But to his surprise, Grimmjow doesn't even budge an inch, and he shoved pretty damn hard.

If anything, fighting against him seems to just bring him more entertainment.

"I can already tell you're gonna like it rough."

Ichigo blushes furiously at the comment, pushing again at Grimmjow's hard chest.

"Shut the hell up you damn pervert, who do you think you are, huh? I couldn't make this any clearer for your dumb-"

Grimmjow's hot mouth swallows the rest of Ichigo's insulting words, and Ichigo tenses up as Grimmjow's tongue slips easily into his open mouth.

Wandering hands end up untying his apron at the back and then pushing themselves roughly under his shirt, sliding over his smooth stomach muscles, and he can't help the shudder that courses through his body.

He feels the blue haired bastard smirk against his lips, before leaving his lips and choosing instead to nip and suck at the side of his neck.

Damn he should stop him...

He should have stopped him as soon as their lips touched...

But it does feel really good...

his self control slipping from him, Ichigo brings his hands up and tangles them in Grimmjow's wild untamed blue locks, tugging harshly and earning himself a deep groan from the larger male.

NO!

Wait a damn minute!

This is bad, he shouldn't be doing this!

Especially not with someone like him!

Like snapping out of a vivid daydream, Ichigo gathers enough sense to wriggle himself out of the other's grip, and scowls at Grimmjow darkly from a few feet away.

Grimmjow smiles cockily, before smoothing out his hair.

"Well, took ya longer to run this time, so at least we're getting somewhere."

"We are not getting anywhere, I mean it!"

Grimmjow tuts.

"Body says otherwise, kid."

What does he-

Ichigos eyes widen, and he quickly puts his hands over his crotch, his face feeling like it's on fire.

"Shut it, it's a natural reaction!"

"Sure it is."

Anger flaring in his veins, Ichigo tentatively retrieves his apron from the floor and secures it around himself shakily.

"I-I need to get back to work, surely you should go and do your job too."

Grimmjow happily opens the door and gestures for Ichigo to go right on through.

Which he mistakenly does.

As soon as his back is turned, he feels strong hands cup his backside.

With a yelp, he jumps and turns around to glare daggers, before stomping away to the staff restroom to get some much needed alone time before returning to work.

* * *

Splashing some refreshing cold water onto his flushed face, Ichigo sighs to himself.

What the hell is he thinking?

This is his second chance at a new life, he can't go screwing it up like this.

 _"Yo."_

Ichigo flinches, his eyes locking on Shiro leering over his shoulder in the bathroom mirror.

"Shiro, what are you doing here?" Ichigo whispers furiously.

 _"Ya seemed like ya needed some help, so here I am! How can I help my king?"_

Ichigo rolls his eyes, drying his face off on a paper cloth.

"You can't be here, I have to work."

Shiro glances curiously around the empty bathroom, trailing his fingertips along Ichigo's shoulders.

 _"Work, ya say?"_

Ichigo tenses as Shiro leans in to sniff at his neck.

 _"Ya don't smell like workin, ya smell like ya have been letting that blue haired beast have his way with ya."_

Ichigo growls, leaning away from Shiro.

"It wasn't like that! I'm going back to work now!"

Shiro tsks, before leaning against the wall and chewing on his black nails.

 _"See, I knew there was a reason ya still ain't torn up that card he gave ya."_

Ignoring Shiro now, Ichigo takes one last long glance in the mirror to check he looks fine, before leaving the restroom to get back to work.

Thankfully his albino counterpart doesn't follow.

* * *

Ichigo stays behind as usual to help Renji lock up for the day.

Hanging up his apron, Ichigo grabs his stuff ready to leave and head home, when a firm grip on his wrist stops him in his tracks.

Startled, he turns and stares up to see Renji staring down at him, his red brows furrowed.

"Renji?"

The redhead sighs and closes his eyes briefly, before his face fills with anger.

"What were you playing at earlier, Ichigo? You should know better than to threaten someone like him!"

Ichigo's mouth gapes open, before he gets angry too.

"ME? If you hadn't hit the guy I wouldn't have had to get involved in the first place!"

Renji releases his tight grip on Ichigo's wrist, averting his eyes.

"Not like he didn't deserve it."

Ichigo's features soften, and before he realizes what he's doing, he pulls Renji into a tight hug, burying his face in the redhead's neck.

He feels Renji tense up at first, then his hands come up to wrap around Ichigo.

Ichigo pulls back after a few quiet moments, staring up into Renji's eyes.

"I can handle myself, you know."

Chuckling, Renji quirks an eyebrow down at him.

"What makes you think I did it for you?"

Ichigo grins, before quickly reaching up and planting a chaste kiss on Renji's warm cheek.

The taller redhead instantly flushes crimson, making Ichigo snicker.

"W-what was that for?" Renji stammers out.

"I felt like it. Have a good night, Renji."

And with that, Ichigo steps out into the cool night air and makes his way back home to his apartment a few blocks away.

* * *

Kicking off his shoes, Ichigo barely has time to stretch his tired muscles before theres a loud rap on his door.

Strange, he never gets visitors.

Shiro, who is observing him closely from the couch, raises an eyebrow at the door.

 _"Expectin someone, King?"_

Ichigo shakes his head in reply, putting a finger to his lips.

Shiro rolls his dark eyes, his blue tongue coming out to lick at his pale lips.

Ichigo cautiously opens the door, his curiosity getting the better of him.

As his eyes take in the all too familiar older man stood before him, his hands ball into tight fists at his sides.

"Hello, _Dad_."

* * *

 **Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, followed and favorited this story, it means a lot :)**

 **And for everyone wondering, there will be GrimmIchi smut coming pretty soon, I just didn't want to rush into it with this story, so that's something for you guys to look forward too :D**

 **Thanks for reading the latest chapter and hope you enjoyed it!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Finally, new update yay!**

 **But a warning, there are mentions of self harm in this chapter.**

* * *

"Son."

Ichigo growls, stepping back from the door to give himself some much needed space from the man before him.

"What are you doing here? How'd you even find me?"

Averting his tired eyes, Isshin nervously rubs the back of his neck.

"Does it matter?"

Ichigo clings to the edge of the door, considering slamming it in his dad's face, before sighing in defeat and gesturing for him to come inside.

"Well, you might as well come in then."

Isshin nods and steps inside, Ichigo closing the door slowly behind him.

He watches silently as his father's wandering eyes closely inspect every inch of his apartment, taking an extra long look around the kitchen area, and Ichigo already knows exactly what he's looking for.

"You won't find any alcohol in here."

Isshin glances away in embarrassment at being caught out snooping, but then shrugs and smiles warmly over at Ichigo.

"Sorry. Your apartment looks great by the way, you've kept it nice and tidy."

Ichigo's anxious eyes wander over to Shiro, who is still perched on the couch, dark eyes intently studying Isshin with a deep frown set on his usually playful features, his sharp teeth barred.

 _"The fuck is this asshole doin here?"_

Ichigo ignores the angry albino, instead choosing to at least try and have a civil conversation with the man he used to call 'dad'.

"How are the girls?"

Isshin shoves his hands into his coat pockets.

"They're both doing just fine, they miss their big brother though."

He should have known where this was going, but Ichigo will be damned if he let's himself get manipulated again.

"Dad, I'm not going home. I made it perfectly clear that when you let them put me in that, that place, I was done with this family, especially you."

Isshin suddenly steps closer to Ichigo, a pleading look on his weary face.

"Ichigo, I only did what I thought would help you. It was either the institution, or some young juveniles prison."

Ichigo scoffs loudly.

"Yeah right, I know why you did it. The same reason you kept sending mum back in there, too get the damn burden off of your own back."

Isshin's face crumples at Ichigo's harsh word's. And although he hates the bones of this man, Ichigo can't help but feel a guilty tug in his chest for causing that look.

"It was nothing like that! I couldn't cope Ichigo, not while I was trying to raise you and the girls as well. I did what I thought was best for everyone, including your mother."

Ichigo's burning eyes stare at the flooring now, not being able to look Isshin in the eye for fear he'll loose the tight grip on his emotions that he's worked so hard to gain.

"That place took the only thing I shared with my mum. You think it was all rainbows and unicorns, there, Dad? Being doped out of your mind twenty four seven, numb to everything and everyone around you like some kind of walking fucking zombie? You think that was the best for me and mum, do you?"

Isshin takes a step back at the pure anger now emanating from his son.

"Ichigo-"

"I'M NOT FINISHED! Three years, three years of my life I lost in that damned place, and I swore from the day they let me out that I was never going to give anyone the opportunity to do that to me, EVER AGAIN!"

His chest heaving and his blood pounding fiercely in his ears, Ichigo wrenches open the front door.

"We're done here."

"Ichigo-"

" _I said_ , we're done."

Isshin hangs his head, heading past Ichigo.

When he reaches him, his hand reach's out slightly, as if to lay a hand on Ichigo's shoulder, but he seems to think better of it and just leaves.

Ichigo slams the door shut behind him, before slumping down to the floor, hugging his knees tightly to his chest.

A fuming Shiro finally jumps up from the couch, kneeling down in front of a trembling Ichigo.

 _"King?"_

Ichigo buries his face in his arms, trying to force back the hot tears that threaten to burst from his eyes.

Shiro snarls, his pale hands gripping onto Ichigo's knees.

 _"Damn it King, don't let that bastard do this too ya! Look at ya, cowering here like a fuckin child, it's beyond pathetic!"_

Shiro's cruel words sting him, but he refuses to budge, hugging himself harder.

 _"Yer never gonna get anywhere if ya keep actin like this, now stop snivelling and get the fuck up."_

Ichigo shakes his head, his teeth gnawing at his bottom lip.

 _"Get yerself together, or so fuckin help me I'm gonna make yer existence so much more worse, so bad that ya will be all too willin to slit yer damn wrists. Do ya think I'm bluffin, Ichi?"_

Ichigo lifts his head, fresh tears now trailing down his warm cheeks.

"S-Shiro...I can't-"

 _"Yes ya can, where do ya think actin so weak is gonna get ya? Back in the loony bin, that's where."_

"W-what should I do?"

Shiro's face darkens, his black orbs dancing with delight.

 _"How about ya let me do the thinkin for a while?"_

Panic flooding through him at the thought of losing control of himself, Ichigo presses his back firmly against the door.

"No, no no NO!"

As Ichigo jumps to his wobbly feet and sprints towards the bathroom, Shiro glares as he follows him, watching as Ichigo carelessly tips everything out of the medicine cabinet situated above the sink.

As the contents crash into the sink below, Ichigo roots through them, before holding up his box of clean razors and ripping it open.

His fingers shaking, Ichigo holds his left arm out in front of him, placing the sharp edge of the cold razor against the warm skin of his forearm.

Shiro growls heatedly, his eyes locked on the razor blade.

 _"What the fuck do ya think yer doin? What's cuttin yerself gonna achieve, eh?"_

Ichigo sniffles, his shaky hand only just managing to keep the blade in place against his skin.

"The pain will take my mind off of everything, even if just for a little while."

Ichigo gasps out loud at the sharp sting that accompanies the swipe of the razor cutting into his flesh, watching with wide eyes as hot fresh blood starts to seep out from the wound and trickle down his arm.

It splats onto the bathroom tiles below, and Shiro desperately latches onto Ichigo's arm.

 _"PUT THE PISSIN RAZOR DOWN YOU IDIOT!"_

Ichigo ignores him, making another, smaller cut just below the first, another line of blood now dripping down onto the floor tiles.

His stomach begins to churn as he stares down silently at the crimson liquid leaking from his arm.

Suddenly feeling awfully light headed, Ichigo drops to his knees, and the razor falls out of his grip and skids behind the toilet.

His eyelids begin to grow heavy, the only thing in his vision being red, pure red.

 _"Ichi, damn it stay awake ya lil fucker! Are ya listening to me?"_

Ichigo grumbles, too tired to respond properly, as he lets his eyelids flicker closed.

* * *

Groaning loudly, Ichigo shifts his body, nestling into something warm and comfortable.

Wait a minute...hadn't he been in the bathroom?

On the cold floor?

 _Bleeding?_

What the hell...

Slowly opening his eyes, he blinks a few times, trying to figure out where he is now, his head pounding.

It's not the bathroom, but he recognizes the familiar objects and layout of the room.

He's in his bedroom, tucked into his bed, the only light in the room coming from his small bedside lamp and the ajar bathroom door.

And no sign of Shiro.

With a pained groan, he pushes himself up into a sitting position, a sharp sting ripping through his left arm.

Wincing, he brings it up to his face, shocked to see that it's now expertly bandaged.

He lift's up the bed covers, seeing his jeans now gone and he's wearing nothing but a loose white t-shirt and his boxer shorts.

But who...

"So, you're finally awake then, kid."

Ichigo's chocolate eyes widen at the familiar rough, deep voice, and he turns his head towards the open bathroom door.

The bathroom lighting give's him a perfect view of Grimmjow's unbelievably handsome, but unreadable face.

Wiping his hands off on a white towel, Grimmjow strides over to the bed, sitting down on it next to Ichigo.

Reaching onto the bedside cabinet, Grimmjow retrieves a glass of water that's sitting on top of it, lifting it up to Ichigo's dry lips.

Ichigo silently drinks it down, grateful as the cool liquid washes down his burning throat.

Once the glass is drained, Grimmjow places it back down, before he gestures at Ichigo.

"How do you feel? Do you feel nauseous, dizzy?"

Ichigo frowns, before realizing he _did_ just cut himself, bleed, and then pass out.

He realize's he didn't pass out from blood loss though, shit he'd be in deep trouble if he had done.

No, it was the sight of the blood.

After all the time's he used to see his mum cut herself, and his dad being the one to swoop in and stop her, he never could handle the sight of the putrid scarlet liquid.

So cutting himself ultimately wasn't the brightest fucking idea, but he just hadn't known what else to do.

He just wanted his emotions to die, even for just a while, and causing himself physical pain seemed like the best way to achieve that.

Shit, he's been such an idiot. And worst of all, the jackass he least wanted to find him in such a pitiful position was now essentially his 'knight in shining armour'.

Fate's a cruel mistress.

"Uh, no, not really. What...what are you doing in my apartment?"

Grimmjow tosses the towel on the bed aside, his blue eyes glinting in the faint glow of the lamp.

"Well, I came to pay you a little visit, but once I saw all your lights on and you weren't answering the door, I figured something was wrong. The door was unlocked so I let myself in, and found you slumped on the bathroom floor covered in your own blood. I bandaged your arm and then cleaned up the mess. You're welcome, strawberry."

"And you decided to strip me while you were at it?"

Grimmjow snorts.

"They were smeared with blood. Don't worry, I wouldn't dare take your innocence while you were busy sleeping, princess, there'd be no fun in that."

Ichigo rolls his eyes, too tired to comment on the 'princess' remark, instead scratching absent-mindedly at the bandage.

He's got bigger things to worry about right now.

"Did you...call anyone?"

"What, you mean like the loony bin?"

Ichigo cringes, his lips pressing together in a thin line.

"Nah, I figured you wouldn't wanna get carted off back there."

Ichigo stares back at him, his mouth falling open in shock.

No one know's about what happened to him apart from his family, and some people who were there that day.

So how the hell does Grimmjow know?

"How do you know about that?"

"I got my ways, I am a cop, after all."

"I'm pretty sure that's not the kind of thing cops are supposed to be snooping into," Ichigo huffs.

"Then sue me, strawberry."

Despite himself, Ichigo finds himself relaxing a little as Grimmjow's signature smirk comes back onto his face, and Ichigo yawns, rubbing at his tired eyes.

"So...why'd you bother?"

"Huh?"

"Why'd you bother helping me? You could've just called the hospital or something, would've been easier."

Grimmjow chuckles, now scooting closer to Ichigo.

"And how am I supposed to get my hands on you if you get locked up, huh?"

Ichigo gulps at the lewd intent behind the words, pressing himself back into his headboard.

"Wait, you...you still want me?"

Grimmjow frowns deeply, tilting his head.

"What, course I do, why are you asking such a stupid question?"

"But, don't you think I'm bat shit crazy after this?"

Grimmjow leans in close to Ichigo's face, his warm breath ghosting over his lips.

"Oh, I think you're fucking psycho all right, but I'll be damned if that doesn't make me so fucking hard. Just when I thought you couldn't get any damn hotter Ichigo."

What the hell is wrong with this guy?

Ichigo just cut himself and he found him unconscious in his own blood, and he even knows he's been in that place, yet it only makes him want to get into his pants more.

Ichigo's beginning to think Grimmjow might just be crazy himself.

Or maybe he just enjoys playing with fire?

Grimmjow's hot tongue comes out to skim across Ichigo's closed lips, and Ichigo instantly tenses up, his blunt nails digging into the bedsheets around him.

Sensing Ichigo's sudden tenseness, Grimmjow lifts a hand up to caress his cheek, his blue eyes staring into nervous brown ones.

"No need to tense up, I'm not gonna hurt you, Ichigo."

Ichigo takes a deep, calming breath, starting to feel slightly dizzy from his heart hammering furiously against his ribcage.

Emotionally, he's at his most vulnerable right now, and he should definitely push Grimmjow away.

That's what he _should_ do, but for some reason, he doesn't.

Grimmjow's soft lips brush lightly against his own, before Grimmjow moulds his lip's against Ichigo's.

Ichigo remains still, his brain not providing him with any coherent thoughts apart from the nice warm feeling of Grimmjow's lips moving against his.

The bed sheet is soon tugged away from Ichigo's body, and Ichigo grunts as he's pushed back down onto the mattress, Grimmjow looming above him, hungry lips still devouring his own.

The kiss soon grows more heated, and Grimmjow forces his tongue inside of Ichigo's mouth.

Ichigo's brain finally kicks into gear when a roaming hand brushes against his hip, and he pulls back from the kiss, his eyes like saucers and his pupils dilated.

Grimmjow stares down at him, his own blue eyes glazed over with pure lust, his breathing deep and heavy.

Ichigo already feels the blood pooling traitorously in his groin at the sheer predatory look on Grimmjow's face.

Licking his lips, Ichigo brings his hands up and places them firmly against Grimmjow's clothed chest.

"Grimmjow, I don't think I'm ready for this, not right now."

Grimmjow frowns down at him, before a grin spreads across his face.

"So you're not telling me no, just not tonight then, eh?"

Is he?

Ichigo's never really felt attracted to guys, at least, not up until recently.

There's something about Grimmjow that seems to make him not even care that he's a guy, he just seems to get totally lost in the heat of the moment whenever he's around the wild cop.

His brain makes sure to remind him that's definitely not a good thing.

And as for Renji...

Renji's a really great guy, and he enjoy's working with him, but it's just not the same heated feeling he experiences when he's around Grimmjow.

God, what the fuck is wrong with him?

In fact, scratch that thought, he'd be here all fucking day trying to work that out.

Ichigo chew's on his bottom lip, his hands still pressed against Grimmjow's chest.

"I...I guess so."

Grimmjow's hand that's currently on his hip wanders down to the front of Ichigo's boxer shorts, hand cupping the now prominent bulge there.

"How about I just take care of you tonight, then? You can pay me back once you're feelin better. Sound good to you, Berry?"

Ichigo blinks up at him dumbly, but finds himself not really wanting to say no or argue.

Grimmjow takes the silence as a green light, and shuffles down Ichigo's body, pulling down the younger males boxer shorts and releasing Ichigo's hard erection from within.

"Grimmjow, what are-"

Ichigo gasps as Grimmjow wraps a strong hand around him, swooping down to swipe his tongue teasingly over the already leaking tip.

"Bigger than I thought you'd be," Grimmjow remarks lewdly, his lusty eyes flashing back up to Ichigo's now heavily flushed face.

Before Ichigo can reply with a snarky comment, Grimmjow leans down again and swallows Ichigo right to the hilt, placing a firm hand on Ichigo's hip as the boy's back arches off the bed of it's own accord.

The hot, wet heat of Grimmjow's mouth wrapped around his cock sends pleasurable chills down Ichigo's spine, his breath momentarily catching in his throat.

Grimmjow wastes no time in beginning to slowly bob his head up and down using his tongue to lick along Ichigo's shaft, causing the Ichigo to buck and writhe wantonly beneath him.

Ichigo's hesitant thoughts fly right out the window, sheer pleasure overtaking his senses as Grimmjow's mouth expertly takes care of him.

Ichigo's hands find themselves entangling in Grimmjow's wild hair, tugging harshly as he tries to thrust up into the cop's mouth.

Grimmjow doesn't seem to mind the tugging, in fact, Ichigo feels the man growl around his cock, and the vibrations alone make Ichigo cry out, curses beginning to freely tumble from his lips as his eyes roll to the back of his head.

"Ngh...fuck, shit...ahh..."

Grimmjow's eyes drink in Ichigo's face of ecstasy, before he lifts his mouth off and replaces it with his hand.

He leans back up to Ichigo's face, licking at the trembling boy's neck as he pumps him fast and rough.

"You gonna cum for me, Ichigo?"

Ichigo nods furiously, his eyes scrunching shut as his hips thrust up of their own accord, desperate for more.

Grimmjow chuckles at Ichigo's eagerness, sucking at Ichigo's exposed neck as the boy pinned beneath him cums with a loud shout, his hot semen coating Grimmjow's hand.

Grimmjow brings the hand up, Ichigo's heavy eyes flickering open just in time to see the blue haired cop licking his cum off like a cat that just got the damn cream.

"Mmm, you taste real good Ichigo, sure can't wait to taste you again."

Grimmjow leans back from Ichigo, who hastily wraps the bed sheet around himself, his face flushed red and his eyelid's drooping from sheer exhaustion.

After capturing Ichigo's lips roughly one last time, Grimmjow clambers off the bed, smoothing down his rumpled police uniform.

"Remember, you still got to pay me back sometime, berry. Get some rest, and don't do some stupid shit again before I see you."

With a wink he leaves, and Ichigo hears the front door shut behind him.

He know's it would be best to get up and lock it, but he just doesn't have the energy, his body feeling like jelly from that mind blowing orgasm.

Besides, this is a good, quiet neighbourhood, it's unlikely anything is going to happen.

Ichigo relax's back into the warm rumpled sheets, his rational mind now having chance to catch up with him.

He just let Grimmjow have his way with him, and Grimmjow's intent on Ichigo returning the favour.

Just what the hell has he let himself get into?

Turning onto his side, Ichigo finally let's his heavy eyelids droop shut, figuring he'll deal with all of this in the morning when he can think more clearly.

* * *

Ichigo wakes up with a loud curse, the morning light beaming in from his slightly open curtains making him hurriedly throw the covers back over his face.

After a few moments he removes the covers and turns over, rubbing at his burning eyes.

Well, at least he didn't have another nightmare last night.

And no work today, so he can spend the day doing whatever he feels like.

But he might have to deal with something much more frightening first.

His eye's find an all too quiet Shiro perched on the edge of his bed, black eyes staring at him coldly.

Ichigo runs his fingers through his messy hair, averting his eyes to the floor.

 _"What, ya aint' even gonna look at me now?"_

Ichigo sighs, his hands clutching at the covers.

"Shiro-"

 _"Don't ya dare **Shiro** me, what the fuck were you thinkin last night, huh?"_

"I just...I wanted to forget, just for a little while-"

Before he can finish, Shiro crawls up the bed, his white, angry face only inches from his own.

So close, he can feel the familiar icy chill that Shiro's body tends to give off seeping into his skin.

 _"THEN YER USE ME, YA DON'T GO DOIN CRAZY SHIT LIKE THAT!"_

Ichigo shakes his head.

"No, I can't do that Shiro, you know I can't!"

 _"DON'T GIMMIE THAT CRAP, YER JUST TOO FUCKIN SCARED, AIN'T YA! I KNEW IT, YER NOTHIN BUT A LITTLE PUSSY!"_

"NO I'M FUCKING NOT!"

Shiro flinches back from Ichigo, shock plastered on his face.

Ichigo has never actually raised his voice like this to the albino, and especially not with such anger.

Ichigo grits his teeth, his fingers finding their way to his bandaged arm.

"Shiro, look, I didn't-"

Shiro suddenly cackles wildly, the sound causing Ichigo's hairs to stand on end.

 _"Shoutin at me now, huh King? Well, I guess since you've got that blue haired cop to blow ya and fuck ya I'm no use any more, am I?"_

Ichigo stares at Shiro incredulously.

"What? I never said that, of course you are Shiro, don't talk like that."

Shiro huffs indignantly, turning his pissed off gaze toward's the window.

Damn, Ichigo doesn't want Shiro to be mad at him.

Anxiety pools uneasily in his stomach, the thought of losing the one thing that's been constant in his life since his mother died again chilling him to the bone.

Even though he doesn't freely admit it, Shiro's become like a part of him, and he actually finds a kind of weird comfort in having the albino around...sometimes.

"Shiro...how can I make this right? Please, don't be mad at me any more, I can't stand it."

Shiro turns back to Ichigo, his thin lips spreading into a feral grin.

 _"Well...I guess there is somethin ya can do for me..."_

Ichigo gulps.

"What's that?"

Shiro quickly straddles Ichigo on the bed, leaning down to whisper into his ear.

As Shiro's dark demand's sink into Ichigo's brain, his brown eyes widen, his heart jumping up into his throat.

* * *

Lighting up a cigarette in the darkening alley, the quiet man in the shadows waits patiently for his prey to emerge, his eyes narrowing in the veil of darkness as a fire door soon swings open nearby, a stumbling, obviously very intoxicated male coming into sight.

The door bangs shut again loudly, the dance music pumping out from the nightclub quietening down as it does, the drunk male now propping himself up with the help of the alley brick wall, not even noticing the other presence nearby because he's too off his face.

He shakily brushes's straight blonde hair out of his drooping eyes, shrugging into his blue jacket and attempting to stagger down to the mouth of the alley.

But his path is quickly blocked by an arm throwing itself out in front of him.

He frowns down at it, his confused and glazed blue eyes peering at the stranger, but he can't make out much, as the strange guy is currently sporting a loose black as night hoodie, and a ski mask obscuring most of his face.

All he can coherently make out is the man's dark eyes, and a small strand of orange hair peeking out from beneath the hoodie.

"Uh, c-can I get past you?" The drunken blonde slurs.

The stranger makes no attempt to move, instead slowly shakes his head, before a leather gloved hand snakes around the surprised blonde's throat, shoving him roughly up against the hard alley way wall.

The blonde trembles, his lips quivering in fear at what this guy is going to do to him, and what exactly he wants from him.

"L-look, you can have my wallet, it's in my right pant pocket. Please, t-there's no need to hurt me."

The ominous figure in front of him tilt's it's head in an almost innocent way, before slowly drawing back it's free fist and then smashing it forcefully into the man's pale face.

The sickening crunch of bone breaking echo's down the small alley, the blonde's nose breaking with just one hard well angled punch, and warm red liquid spurts from his nose as he cries out in pain.

But the vicious and unprovoked attack doesn't end there.

The grip on the blonde's neck tightens as the fist continues to mercilessly pummel his face, not even stopping when the blonde's body slumps and goes limp in his hold.

Finally, taking a deep breath, the masked stranger finally releases his firm grip, watching with satisfaction as the other now bruised and battered male thuds lifelessly to the alley floor.

And, delivering one final harsh kick to his victim's stomach, the dark figure strides off, leaving the blonde for dead.

* * *

 **So, time to start unleashing the crazy!**

 **I feel really bad for Ichigo though, makes me feel like an asshole when I'm writing this xD**

 **But, another chapter done and dusted, and some good old GrimmIchi for you guys.**

 **I'll try to get the next chapter out sooner than this one, but thanks for being patient with me.**

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for reading :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Tearing off the ski mask, Ichigo drops to his knees above his toilet, retching heavily into the bowl.

He hasn't eaten anything since this morning, so nothing comes up but a clear sticky liquid, but that sure doesn't stop him gagging, his still gloved hands gripping tightly onto the seat.

Some of the blood on his gloves is still wet and smears on the white seat, the sick sight only making Ichigo gag more intensely.

What the fuck has he done?

It was as if, as soon as he saw that guy, he couldn't control his own body, his vision going blurry.

All he could do was watch himself beat the life out of that poor unsuspecting guy, but he couldn't physically do anything to stop it.

He wanted Shiro to not hate him so badly, but he had no idea it would feel like this. That it would make him feel so disgusted with himself, like he wanted to rip his own skin off just to be free of what he's done.

He's...a _monster_.

That guy didn't do anything to him, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In fact, now that he thinks about it, why did that guy look kind of familiar...

Still dry heaving, he senses someone come into the bathroom behind him, already knowing who it is as icy hands glide over his clothed back.

 _"See, wasn't that fun, Ichi?"_

Ichigo pants, sweat dripping down his face.

"F-fun?"

 _"Yeah, and shit, It's been a hell of a long time comin."_

Ichigo braces his hands more firmly on the toilet seat, his shoulders shaking.

"T-that guy..."

 _"Ah, yer wonderin why he looks familiar, ain't ya? Think about it and I'm sure it'll come to ya."_

Ichigo wheezes, his sweat slicked hair clinging to his forehead.

 _Think dammit, think!_

Long blonde hair, blue eyes...

Ichigo chokes back a sob as realization smacks him in the face.

"N-no, please no-"

 _"Oh yeah Ichi, finally figured it out?"_

"How could you even know he'd be there?"

 _"I didn't, too bad for him though I guess. Poor blondie, that's sure gonna hurt in the mornin, well, if he ain't dead that is."_

Ichigo hangs his head in shame, his gloved hands still splayed on the seat.

"I-Izuru, that's his name."

 _"Yeah, one of that sexy redhead's friends that ya work with."_

"Shiro, he didn't deserve this."

Shiro growls.

 _"Well that's life for ya, shit happens all the time to people who don't deserve it, bout time ya got used to that fact."_

He should go back, he should go back and help!

At least call an ambulance or something, in case he's still alive.

How is he ever going to be able to look at Renji again after this?

Feeling a cold hand grip his chin firmly, Ichigo stares up into angry dark orbs.

 _"Don't ya even think about going back, ya hear me? All yer gonna achieve is gettin yerself in deep shit."_

"I, I have to do something, if I get in trouble then so be it."

Shiro snarls, his sharp black nails digging into Ichigo's chin painfully.

 _"I think yer forgettin who's in charge now, Ichi."_

Ichigo blinks up at him.

"What do you mean?"

Slowly, Shiro skims his blue tongue across his lips.

 _"Well, ya finally decided to pass lil ol me the reigns, which means I'm the King now. And if yer pretty little ass even tries to do something bout it, I'm gonna show ya jus how much worse I can be than tonight."_

Ichigo tries to pull his face away, but the black nails only dig in harsher, causing him to let out a small whimper.

 _"Ah ah, did I say ya could move?"_

Pure panic bubbles up in his chest as he fights the urge to try to run.

After all, how the hell can you run from your own mind?

Has Shiro...tricked him?

 _"That's right, ya got no where to run so ya might as well just be a good boy. As for trickin ya, I guess I am a lil guilty of that, but only cause ya were being such a pussy and not lettin lil ol me have even a lil bit of fun. Believe me, I don't wanna hurt ya Ichi."_

Shiro's other hand weaves through Ichigo's damp hair, as an unsettling grin spreads on the Albino's face.

"I don't, I don't understand this," Ichigo stammers.

 _"Sshh, don't worry so much, ya just keep livin yer boring life like ya usually do. Ya will realize what I mean soon enough."_

Shiro swoops down and plants a kiss on Ichigo's forehead, before stepping back from him and pointing at the blood smeared seat.

 _"Get cleaned up, don't want anyone seeing blood all over the apartment do ya? Especially if that cop happens to pop round again."_

Not really having any other choice, Ichigo manages to push himself to his feet, his eyes quickly avoiding the blood smears as he tugs off the dirty gloves and throws them in the sink, before heading to the kitchen to get some cleaning supplies.

He feels Shiro's unnerving gaze on him through every second of it, and has to stop himself from lashing out at the other.

* * *

Once he's done, he feels arms wrap around his shoulders, Shiro's nose leaning against the side of his neck and inhaling deeply.

 _"Ya know, I love the smell of blood on ya, but somethin tells me ya co-workers ain't gonna."_

Ichigo nods, taking the hint and tugging his clothes off, Shiro's hands trailing down his bare chest and arms as he does so.

He tries his best to push away the immense feeling of guilt that's building up inside of him, but it won't budge one bit.

He's done a truly unforgivable thing, and if he's any sort of human he would go and face the damn consequences of his actions.

But deep down, he's terrified.

He wouldn't get thrown into prison, he'd get dragged back to _that_ place.

Drugs forced into his system daily, his emotions draining out of him and leaving him acting like a walking dead reject.

Not being able to enjoy even the simple things in life, like the sun hitting his skin, or even just music playing on the radio.

He doesn't want to end up like his mother.

Climbing into the hot shower, the bandage on his arm is starting to fall off, so he gently takes it off, cringing at the gash's across his arm.

The wounds have started to slightly open up again, smears of his own blood evident on his arm and bandage.

It probably happened when he was...

He shakes his head at the nasty memory.

No, he can't think about that, not right now.

The hot water makes the wounds sting, so he tries his best to avoid getting it wet or getting body wash in it.

Shiro just observes him in complete silence from the closed toilet seat.

Ichigo has no idea what is going through Shiro's mind, but the idea of someone getting hurt again...

Ichigo stares down at his own hands as the water cascades over him.

Even if Shiro is manipulating his action's, it's still him, his own hands that caused someone else pain and suffering.

Turning off the shower, he get's a towel and then carefully put's his arm in fresh bandages.

He grabs a bottle of sleeping pills from the now tidy again bathroom cabinet, heading into his darkened bedroom.

As he sits down on his bed, he notices his phone vibrating on the bedside cabinet, and he picks it up.

Two text's from Renji, and five missed calls from...Blue sex machine?

Who the hell-

Oh-

OH...that damn egotistical bastard!

He must have done it while Ichigo was passed out last night.

Sighing, Ichigo opens the text's first.

 **Renji: Yo Ichigo, how's it going? 13:05pm**

 **Renji: Hope your phone's dead and you aren't just ignoring me :/ 17:20pm**

Shit.

 _"Talk to him."_

Ichigo glances up from his phone, Shiro now stood in front of him, his hands on his hips as he stares down at Ichigo.

"Why?"

Shiro raises an eyebrow.

 _"Why? He's yer friend, ain't he?"_

Ichigo sighs in exasperation.

He has no right to talk to him, not after what he's done to his friend.

But if he doesn't...

what exactly will Shiro do?

 **Ichigo: Sorry yeah, just put it on charge. See you at work tomorrow. 12:58am**

Renji's probably asleep by now so Ichigo doubts he'll reply.

And as for 'blue sex machine'...

He can _fuck off._

Ichigo puts his phone back on the cabinet, quickly throwing on a loose bed shirt and boxers before swallowing down two of the circular pills and crawling underneath the covers.

Shutting his eyes, he feels the bed dip as Shiro lays down next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

Please sleeping pills, just kick the hell in.

* * *

Thankfully, Ichigo has a dreamless sleep thanks to the sleeping pills, but when he wakes up and sits up in bed, the horror of what exactly he did yesterday comes flooding back to him all at once.

His hands grip into the warm bed sheets tightly, guilt rising up in his chest and sticking there like an iron weight in his chest.

He can't help but tense up when a cold hand runs down his arm, and his eyes find Shiro, smirking at him coyly.

 _"Good mornin, sunshine."_

"G-Good...morning," Ichigo stammers out, and Shiro weaves a hand through his tousled hair, grinning.

 _"Ya still thinkin about yesterday, Ichi?"_

"What do you think," Ichigo spits, before tugging himself free and getting out of the warm bed.

Shiro yawns and sits up, staring up at Ichigo happily.

 _"So what's the plan for today, hmm?"_

"I've got work, which means you're staying here."

Ichigo tries to sound authoritative, but his voice comes out a little too shaky.

Smirking, Shiro shuffles closer to Ichigo, putting his hands on Ichigo's slim hips and licking his pale lips.

" _Don't ya remember what I told ya yesterday, Ichi? I'm the king now, so ya can't tell me what to do."_

Ichigo internally panics, because if Shiro does come with him, how the hell is he supposed to concentrate on work and ignoring this damn devil at the same time?

"Shiro, please..."

 _"Hmm, I think I like ya beggin. Beg me properly and I might consider it,"_ Shiro teases, his thumbs rubbing slow circles on Ichigo's hips.

God, he doesn't want to beg, it's downright demeaning.

But what choice does he have? At least if he does, he'll get a little bit of freedom, which he more than needs right now to even begin to get his head straight.

"Please, just let me go to work alone Shiro," Ichigo pleads, his voice almost breaking.

 _"Good boy, see, that wasn't so hard now, was it?"_ Shiro taunts.

Ichigo turns away, stomping towards the bathroom and heading for a much needed shower before he has to face work.

No, not work, _Renji_.

This is going to be one awful day.

* * *

Before he leaves the apartment he heads into the kitchen, gulping down a glass of water since he can't stomach anything solid right now, the guilt is eating at him way to much for that, and he pauses as his hand wanders down to one of the drawers.

To be exact, the drawer where he keeps his medicine that he should be taking.

And if he had been taking, someone wouldn't have gotten beaten to a pulp, or god forbid, to death.

Just before he pulls it open, a pale white hand closes over his own, breath blowing across his ear and sending chills down his spine.

 _"And what do ya think yer doin, hmm?"_

Ichigo freezes, his eyes nearly popping out of his head.

"I...I was just..."

 _"We both knew what ya were doin, ya have never been able to lie, not to me. I'm hurt that ya wanna get rid of me so bad Ichi, especially after all we've been through together."_

Shiro pulls Ichigo's hand away from the drawer, slipping his other hand under his chin and making Ichigo look at him.

 _"Ya know, even in the best of relationships Ichigo, ya gotta have compromise."_

Compromise? Shiro's talking about hurting people as if it's a freakin Marital dispute over some stupid shit, like purchasing a new dishwasher or microwave.

"I'm not hurting anyone else, I don't care what you say or do," Ichigo growls, staring defiantly into the black orb's.

 _"Yer kinda cute when ya try to put ya foot down, I like it,"_ Shiro chuckles, and releases him, sauntering back over to the couch.

Ichigo just stares in surprise, he thought Shiro would at least be angry at the obvious disobedience, but if anything, it seemed to amuse him.

It makes Ichigo's blood boil with rage.

Shiro doesn't think he can be just as intimidating, just as menacing? We'll see about that.

Ichigo jumps as something slides under his door, and he tiptoes over, picking up a large, brown envelope, his name scribbled on the front in messy handwriting.

 _"The fuck is that?"_ Shiro calls from the couch.

Ichigo turns it over in his hands for a minute, before sighing and putting it down on the kitchen counter top.

"It's from my dad, I'd recognise the messy kid like handwriting anywhere."

 _"Looks like the fucker didn't get the message last time, eh? Maybe we should make it more clear next time."_

"NO! Even though I hate him for what he did to me and mum, I'm not hurting him!"

Shiro snorts, waving a hand in the air dismissively.

 _"Whatever ya say Ichi. Don't ya have work to get too?"_

Glancing at his watch Ichigo curses, grabbing his keys, wallet and coat and racing out of the door.

* * *

He has to run to make it on time to the coffee shop, but he manages, quickly doing his usual routine of putting his stuff away and getting his apron on.

Orihime is out front when he arrives, and he greets her as warmly as he can, but Renji is no where to be seen.

Ichigo feels guilt pool in his gut at the rush of relief it causes, because damn, why should he be getting any relief after what he did?

If anything, Renji should get the opportunity to beat the crap out of him.

An eye for an eye as they say.

After a while, Ichigo wanders over to Orihime, the coffee shop being as good as empty apart from a young couple sitting in one of the window booths.

"Hey Orihime, where's Renji? I thought he was here today too?"

Orihime glances around them worriedly, before covering her mouth with her hand as she lowers her voice.

"He was here not long before you arrived, but he got a call from someone and ran out in a blind panic. I don't know what happened but he went pale as a ghost and told me it was an emergency and that he was leaving the shop in my hands. I didn't know what to do so I just nodded, but I'm glad you turned up to help me, I don't know what I'd do otherwise! I just hope Renji's okay."

Her expression turns sad, and it looks like she might even cry.

Ichigo swallows thickly, reaching a hand out and putting it on her shoulder.

"Hey, I'm sure whatever's happened, Renji will be fine, okay?"

God, he hates himself for even having the nerve to comfort her about something he did.

He hates himself for causing this, because lets face facts here, even if he tries to pin it all on Shiro, it wouldn't have even happened if he hadn't wanted to get himself back into his Albino side's favour so badly.

So yeah, all the guilt is rightfully resting on his shoulders.

Orihime sniffles, smiling up at him.

"Yeah, you're right Ichigo, everything will be just fine!"

As another customers comes through the door, Ichigo grasps her shoulder gently one last time.

"Good, then let's just hold up the fort while he's away, okay?"

"Yeah!"

* * *

After dealing with a busy lunch rush and cleaning up, Ichigo is cleaning out one of the coffee machines when the door chimes, and he looks up, his stomach plummeting when he see's a haggard Renji coming over to the counter.

He wipes his hands on his apron and goes over as Renji puts his head down on the counter top, his shoulders sagging.

Orihime is out on her break at the moment, so it's just the two of them in the shop now, and Ichigo finds it much harder to breathe, the air feeling way to thick all of a sudden.

"Renji?"

Renji sighs, lifting his head up, and Ichigo can see just how drained the other looks.

"Sorry I didn't leave a note for you or anything, it was kind of an emergency."

"Don't worry about that...what happened?"

Renji puts his face in his hands.

"You know my friend, Izuru? I don't know if you'll really remember him, you only met him like once, but he's in intensive care right now."

Ichigo gasps loudly before he can stop himself, and the iron weight in his chest increases tenfold.

"W-why?"

"Someone beat the living shit out of him outside of a nightclub late last night, I don't know why, it makes no fucking sense. Izuru hardly ever gets into trouble, he's a real nice guy. Shit, maybe it was because of one of the fights me and Shuhei dragged him into over the years..."

Renji clenches his hands, and Ichigo can see his shoulders shaking.

"That's got to be it, it's got to be my fault, my fault he's nearly fucking dead," Renji spits, and Ichigo clamps a hand over his own mouth in horror.

Now Renji blames himself for this?

No one should be burdened with this crap except for him, he has to do something, he has to tell someone, this has gone far enough-

 _"And here was me thinkin ya could be a good boy if I let ya have a lil freedom."_

Before Ichigo can even glance behind him, the sadistic darkness swallows him whole.

* * *

"Renji, none of this is your fault, please don't think like that," Ichigo soothes, and reaches out a hand, placing it over one of Renji's, tracing his fingertips across the skin slowly.

Renji glances up at the touch, his watery brown eyes meeting Ichigo's own.

"But...it is...if I wasn't such a punk and always starting shit, then no one would've gone after Izuru..."

Ichigo shakes his head, moving a finger down to Renji's lips.

"Enough, it wasn't your fault, if anything you should blame the bastard who did that to such a sweet, innocent guy, right?"

Renji frowns deeply, but after a few moments he nods, and Ichigo retracts his finger, leaning down on the counter closer to a surprised Renji.

"You know, you really shouldn't be working right now, not in your state. Why don't you go rest in the break room for a while, hmm?"

Renji blinks at him dumbly, before he nods in agreement, getting up from the counter.

"Yeah, maybe that's a good idea, thanks, Ichigo."

Ichigo smiles and waves as he watches Renji go, and as soon as the redhead is out of sight, a sadistic smirk takes over his lips.

"Gotcha."

* * *

After waiting patiently for about ten minutes, Shiro pops his head around the break room door, grinning as he spots Renji with his back facing him, relaxing on the break room couch.

Shiro closes the door quietly, walking over until he's stood right in front of Renji, who jumps out of his skin when he see's him.

"Jeez Ichigo, you scared the shit out of me!" Renji breathes, putting a hand on his chest.

Shiro smirks down at him, slowly beginning to untie his work apron.

Renji's eyes widen as his eye's follow Shiro's actions.

"Uh, what are you doing?"

Shiro takes the apron off, dumping it onto the floor unceremoniously.

"What does it look like? I'm gonna make you feel better."

Renji's mouth hangs open as Shiro suddenly straddles his thighs, bringing his tongue out to slowly lick at Renji's smooth jawline.

"W-what, Ichigo-"

"Shush, just relax and enjoy yerself," Shiro husks, and he rolls his hips down against Renji's crotch teasingly.

Renji groans, his hands immediately flying to Shiro's hips, his fingers digging in almost painfully.

"S-shit, Ichigo we can't, not here," Renji mutters, but there isn't a lot of resistance behind the words.

"Why not, Renji? I know you want too, I know you want to fuck me so hard that all I can do is scream out your name till my lungs give out, don't you?"

Renji shivers at the vulgar words tumbling from Shiro's mouth.

Shiro takes the shiver as a green light, and begins to suck and lick at his neck, making sure to leave a mark.

Renji doesn't seem to mind one bit, in fact he starts to roll his own hips up, his hands wandering under Shiro's shirt to caress smooth, toned skin.

"You're making it really hard for me to resist right now," Renji grumbles, and Shiro pulls back from his neck, slowly licking his lips as he stares at him.

"Am I? Then why don't ya stop and just take me already?"

Renji's eyes darken, and he capture's Shiro's lips in a wet, rough kiss, pulling the other's body closer to him.

Shiro groans wantonly into his mouth, continuing to roll his hips against Renji's.

It's only when Renji breaks the kiss for some much needed air and begins to tug at Shiro's shirt, does something strange happen.

 ** _"STOP IT, STOP IT RIGHT NOW SHIRO!"_**

Ichigo's furious voice resounds around his head like nail's on a chalkboard, and Shiro cringes, his hands quickly clutching at the sides of his head.

Renji abruptly leans back and stares up at him, worry etched on his slightly flushed face.

"Ichigo, what's wrong?"

Shiro grit's his teeth, scrunching his eyes shut.

 ** _"I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH YOU BASTARD!"_**

* * *

Ichigo opens his eyes, glancing around himself warily.

He flinches as he see's Renji staring up at him, and then he notices the more than compromising position they're both in.

Ichigo gasps and scrambles off of him, his eyes wide and his chest heaving.

"Ichigo, are you okay? You're worrying me now."

"I...I don't..." Ichigo stammers, his eyes finding his discarded apron on the floor.

"You've gone really pale, was it something I did?"

Ichigo shakes his head, heading as quick as his feet will carry him for the door.

"No no, it wasn't you, I just...my stomach feels off, I'm sorry!"

* * *

Ichigo slams the door after him and heads into the bathroom, locking the door before he rushes over to the sinks, drenching his face in cold water.

What the fuck was Shiro doing? And how far would he have taken things if Ichigo hadn't managed to rip back control?

As water drips down his face, Ichigo stares at his reflection in the mirror, and he sneers.

This has to end, and it has to end before Shiro gets another chance to take control.

And with that thought, Ichigo throws open the bathroom door and starts to run.

* * *

He doesn't stop running until he reaches his apartment, fumbling with his keys until the door unlocks and he slams it shut behind him.

As he expected, Shiro is leering at him from the couch, and as he get's up, Ichigo quickly jumps over the kitchen counter in one leap, throwing open the drawer and retrieving the pills.

Shiro is only a few feet away from him now, his black eyes widening as he see's Ichigo popping two pills into his mouth.

The Albino quickly closes the distance, gripping onto Ichigo's chin.

 _"SPIT EM OUT, SPIT EM OUT NOW!"_

Ichigo ignores Shiro's orders, ripping free from his harsh grip and darting over to the sink, swooping his head under and turning on the cold tap, water gushing into his mouth as he swallows greedily.

Shiro growls wildly, grasping his hands into his snow white hair, his eyes bulging.

 _"WHAT THE FUCK DO YA THINK YER DOIN!"_

Ichigo pulls his mouth away, water dripping down his chin as he stares back all too calmly at a distressed Shiro.

"I'm sorry Shiro, but I have to make sure you can't hurt anyone else."

He's been nothing but a fool, and this is the only way he can think of even starting to make things right.

There is no way in hell he can afford to lose control again, even if it means sacrificing the one thing that he was able to share with his mother.

Turning the tap off, he slumps down onto the tiled floor, panting and letting his eyelids close, listening to Shiro's hisses and growls as he panic's like a cornered animal.

 _"NO NO, YA WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS, I WON'T LET YA, DO YA HEAR ME, ICHIGO?"_

And he hopes that when he opens them again, the Devil will be gone.

* * *

 **I'm sorry, it's been a while since I updated this, I just got distracted with other things!**

 **But here's another update for you guys, and I have to say, I actually quite enjoy writing Shiro like this, even though I probably shouldn't XD**

 **I know there's no Grimmjow in this, but don't worry, we'll see him more than enough in the next chapter ;) I wanted this chapter to focus more on Ichigo and Shiro.**

 **But enough of my blabbering on, thanks for all the reviews, favourites and follows so far, they are much appreciated!**

 **I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter and thanks for reading :)**


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